You Are Exactly As Strong As You Think You Are

We all know people that have iron wills. It seems like nothing can stop them. They set their mind to something and they just do it. Doesn’t matter how hard it is, their internal strength is stronger.

How do they do it? Turns out, they think about willpower differently than you and me.

 

One of my good friends, Aaron, is a person of amazing willpower. One time in college, he ran a marathon and almost qualified for the Boston Marathon—a prestigious marathon for the most elite of runners.

That alone isn’t impressive. Thousands of people qualify for the Boston Marathon every year and tens of thousands forget that they have a car and decide to run 26.2 miles.

No, it is not remarkable that he ran or that he ran well. What is incredible is that Aaron did it despite not training and not being a runner. He did it on a whim, with very little training, even less planning, and absolutely no common sense.

I remember watching Aaron cross the finish line. No one ever looked more exhausted. He leaned forward, barely putting one leg in front of another, and his body sagged as if . . . well, as if he had just run 26.2 miles. It was the ultimate picture of mind over body.

How is it that Aaron can run a marathon while I struggle to get out of bed in the morning?

 

Why do so many of us go to sleep with the best of intentions, vowing that tomorrow is going to be the first day of the rest of our new lives, and yet fall back into the same traps by lunchtime?

 

One reason is that our willpower runs out. Like grains of sand running through an hourglass, it seems we have just so much willpower and when it runs out, it’s gone. However, research says it doesn’t have to be that way if we just learn to think about willpower differently.

A few years ago, a team of Stanford University researchers conducted a series of studies examining willpower failures and depletion–that is, the idea that we can run out of self-control because we exerted too much earlier. (Read it here. It is awesome.)

Repeatedly, they found that people who believed in limited self-control, that is, you can run out of self-control, experienced waning self-control the more they used their self-control. The more they tried to exert self-control, the more mentally “tired” they became until eventually they gave in and experienced self-control failure.

Want to know who didn’t struggle with self-control? Who kept strong despite constant attempts to tire them out and repeated use of their self-control muscle?

People that believe that self-control is unlimited, that using self-control make them stronger, that’s who!

 

I love this study!

Think about it—people that believe that using willpower is unlimited and that using it makes you stronger ACTUALLY BECAME MENTALLY STRONGER!!

Those that believed that willpower was limited were, in fact, limited.

In short, you are as strong as you believe you are.

Wow.

 

Where do we go from here?

Now that we know that how we think about our willpower directly determines how much willpower we have, we can do a number of interventions to help ourselves and our clients build increased, powerful mental strength.

 

Examine Your Willpower Theory

What do you (or your clients) really believe about willpower? Do you think that it is limited? That it can run out? What are your personal beliefs about your own willpower? Do you feel that you are mentally strong or weak? Are there things that you just don’t have the capacity to overcome?

When you (or your clients) answer those questions, don’t just give the service level answer. No platitudes or impression management. Dig deep and introspect. In your heart of hearts, what do you actually believe?

You can answer these questions to yourself, a loved one, or a coach. Sometimes it is helpful to sit and write out your thoughts. There are lots of studies supporting writing as an effective means of self-discovery AND as a positive intervention. (Meaning writing about your willpower can increase your willpower. Highly recommend it.)

Regardless of how you answer these questions, you have to start by knowing what you believe about willpower. Once you know where you are, you can begin navigating a way forward.

 

Develop a New Theory About Willpower

In the original Stanford study, some of the research participants were taught that “your mental stamina fuels itself; even after strenuous mental exertion you can continue doing more of it.” This new theory about willpower strengthened the participants and gave them even more willpower than they had previously. It follows that if you can internalize this new theory about willpower, you too will be stronger of mind.

To develop a new theory of willpower, focus on repetition and habit formation. Set up a daily habit of reminding yourself that every time you use willpower, you become stronger. When faced with a temptation, repeat an affirmation or mantra that supports your new theory of willpower.

I personally like to rehearse a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson every time my willpower is tested: “That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.”

If you use the Habit Architect platform, either for yourself or your clients, try to incorporate habit exercises that focus on reshaping the way that you think about willpower.

 

Reward Yourself for Willpower Victories

Developing a new theory about willpower will help shape your conscious brain but to make it stick, you also need to shape your unconscious mind. You do that through reinforcement/rewards. (Turns out the habit part of your brain is affected by dopamine, an intoxicating neurotransmitter that is released with rewards.)

Every time you win—you exercise willpower to do something you did not want to do—celebrate your victory. It doesn’t need to be a big celebration, it can be fist-pumping, smiling really wide, telling a friend, whatever. The point is that you acknowledge your victory, take pride in it, and enjoy the win.

If you consistently celebrate your willpower wins, you will quickly start to realize how you truly are strong. Moreover, you will become stronger.  As you increase your willpower, you will overcome temptations that trapped you for years.

However, this isn’t going to occur overnight—you need to be consistent in celebrating your willpower wins and willing to keep going for weeks, months, and maybe even years. But if you want to be one of those people with iron wills, then it is worth a few minutes a day of celebrating yourself.

For those of you that use Architect, you can use that platform to help you develop this habit too. Simply set up a habit exercise to use your willpower at some point in the day. When you go into the system to record your success, Architect will automatically reward you and help you celebrate your win. (Learn more here.)

 

Make Willpower a Habit

All the interventions that we described will help you and your clients become stronger and develop greater willpower—IF YOU MAKE A HABIT OF DOING THEM!

Repeated actions shape our bodies and minds. We are what we consistently do.

If you want to be stronger, to have that iron willpower, then start today to do the little things to make yourself stronger. And keep at it. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. A little at a time, keep moving forward. Soon you will be stronger than you ever thought possible.

Indeed, you will be exactly as strong as you think you are.

Strengths Without Great Habits Are Just Wasted Talents

I’m often asked about the relationship between strengths and habits, especially as it relates to strengths assessments like Clifton Strengthsfinder and Virtues In Action (VIA). So let’s cut to the chase-–Excellence and success are the product of both your strengths and your habits. Strengths without positive habits are just dormant talents; signature strengths habits will turn your talents into excellence.

Why do I say that? Well, first, it’s in the very definition of “excellence” and “strength.” Second, there is an overwhelming body of research that clearly demonstrates that strengths need to be habitually applied in order to have a positive impact on any metric of success–happiness, well-being, productivity, success at work, you can name the outcome.

There is a HUGE Difference Between Talent and Strength

Let’s tackle the definition first. There is a lot of confusion surrounding “strengths” assessments. Let’s be clear–none of them actually measure a ‘strength.’

Take the Clifton Strengthsfinder. It measures talent and potential; the parts of your personality–your recurring patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors–that research or theory predicts are most strongly associated with “success,” typically success at work.

But that is different than a strength. Gallup defines strengths as “the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance in a specific activity.” (great read here). It is the application of your talents–your Top 5–that produces “strengths” and excellence.

So, how do we get to “near-perfect performance”? We need to practice, practice, practice! We have to develop habits of using our talents regularly and in positive ways; we have to focus on signature strengths habits.

The Difference Between Talent and Strength is Habits

When habits meet talent, you get exponential growth and the emergence of true excellence.

That is the sweet spot we need to focus on and help others to focus on–discovering talents and then make a habit of developing and positively using those talents. What would the world look like if we did that?

It would be full of people like Ronaldo, LeBron, Musk, Buffett, Robbins–people who are excellent at what they do because they discovered their talents and passions and then built habits of excellence to grow and develop those talents into strengths.

Talent + Habits = Strength and Happiness

I love this message and it sings to my heart. It’s beautiful. But I’m a scientist. I need evidence. So what does the research say?

The research completely supports the need for signature strength habits. Study after study shows the same finding–just becoming aware of your signature strengths is not enough to produce any lasting difference, it is only in the repeated application of signature strengths, in the development of signature strengths habits, that positive effects were seen.

Take, for example, a seminal study by the Father of Positive Psychology, Dr. Martin Selgiman, and colleagues. (This study has over 4800 academic citations! The average citation of a scientific study is less than 1 citation. This paper is a pretty big deal. Read it here.) In this study, the researchers had participants engage in a number of different interventions that were, at the time, being used to improve happiness levels and depressive symptoms.

One of these interventions was identifying signature strengths. This is similar to what you do when you read a book, attend a seminar, or even have an intro coaching session. You discover your signature strengths, learn what they mean, and get an idea of how they can improve your life. They were NOT given any aid or instruction to use their signature strengths habitually.

Another intervention similarly identified participants’ signature strengths, but then took it a step further. It instructed participants to use their signature strengths in a new way every day. Basically, the researchers asked them to build a habit of developing their signature strengths. They essentially taught them how to build signature strengths habits.

So what happened?

Sadly, just identifying signature strengths had no long-term effect on happiness or depressive symptoms. It did not do better than a placebo. Although participants reported a mood boost immediately after taking the assessment, which is cool, but not the outcome that most of us want for ourselves or our clients.

What’s really cool is what they found when habits met strengths. Compared to a placebo group, participants who identified their strengths and then practiced using them in new ways were happier immediately after the assessment, one week later, a month later, and three months later!  In FACT, THEY WERE STILL GOING STRONG SIX MONTHS LATER! When researchers stopped the study at 6 months, the people that had built signature strength habits were still happier.

How awesome is that?

And it gets cooler!!! Not only did it help them become happier, but it also improved their depressive symptoms. They didn’t just have better ups, they also had fewer downs. And this effect also carried through the end of the study.

When signature strengths meet habits, good things happen!

So How Do We Develop Signature Strength Habits?

This is the hard part. But it is also where the magic happens. When habits meet talents, good things happen. In later posts, we will discuss concrete methods to develop habits, after all, that is what we do at Habit Tech. As anyone knows who has ever tried to break a bad habit or even gain a new good one, it is not easy. But it can be done. So, subscribe to the Habit Blog and get regular updates on the all things habits, strengths, personal development, and positive psychology. Our goal is to make the world a better place, one habit at a time.

So join us! And remember, signature strengths habits will turn your talents into excellence.

 

P.S. If you are a coach, speaker, trainer, or consultant who applies strengths-based interventions in your work (or would like to), then check out Habit Technologies new habit-building and online course platform (Architect). (check it out at www.habittechnologies.com).

Architect is a smart platform that helps you scale your business, have more impact, gain more insights, and do it in less time. It also comes preloaded with an awesome signature strengths habit program that your clients can use TODAY to turn talents into success.